He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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