My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
