I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
