I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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