I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Found your dick twin last night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
