If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
