is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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