Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
