You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
