dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
