you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
