Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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