you guys were way drunker than both of me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
