How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
