Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
