Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
