Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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