You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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