so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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