I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We left the knife in your bed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
