My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
