I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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