We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you inspire me to be a worse person
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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