If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
