Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's always time for handjobs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
