your room smells of hookers.
And success
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
