i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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