id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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