yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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