did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
