I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
