im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
