Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
