Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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