I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
