Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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