i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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