I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I love you.
Bad choice
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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