You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
