can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
