everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
