we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
