I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
