dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
