I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
