He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
