That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
