So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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