shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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