just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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