it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
