You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
