sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm both gender and math confused
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
