WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
