It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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